The Opposite of Rejection is...

On a couple occasions, I have heard Tiffany Brinkner say that the opposite of rejection is not acceptance (YouTube channel “Anointed Fire.”) What did she mean by that? Does not the dictionary itself list “acceptance” as the antonym (or opposite) of “rejection?” What helpful spiritual insight, then, was she trying to get across?

Rejection and acceptance can certainly be opposites, yet in another sense, a person can still be accepted by others (and even by God) but still fail to believe that they are loved and accepted. Or a person might believe intellectually that he/she is loved and accepted, but because he/she does not love or value himself/herself very highly, he/she may not know how to respond to the love of others. You can be loved perfectly just as you are, but a person with a rejection mindset will not feel accepted in spite of the genuine love and acceptance that is demonstrated to that person.

If mere acceptance by others is not the opposite of rejection (in terms of overcoming rejection), then what is? What is that “opposite of rejection” that we need in order to defeat or to overcome the power of rejection?

In one sense, humility is the opposite of rejection. How so? When it comes to “walking out” one’s freedom from a rejection mindset, one may need to take small risks at vulnerability and bonding in relationships or social interactions under God’s loving leadership, coaching, and instructions. That may often require putting one's ego, reputation, honor, or “face” on the line. One has to reach out to people in small ways, risking rejection by those people in the process. It requires humility to be so vulnerable, being willing to risk looking bad or failing in an interaction or relationship. Under a renewed mindset, “failure” is a path to greater success; thereby “love never fails.”

For example, when I was a foreign student in China, I discovered that the most efficient way to learn the language was to practice speaking Chinese with the native speakers at every opportunity as I studied and learned new words or phrases. Making a mistake grammatically, saying something wrong, mispronouncing something, or even saying something embarrassing would be inevitable if I were to engage and practice speaking with Chinese students on a near-daily basis.

However, if I were to never practice speaking until I was 100% confident that I would never make a mistake, I probably would never risk speaking the language in the first place, and I would not learn as effectively. But making mistakes gave me the opportunity to be corrected by the native speakers or to get feedback so that I could learn from every mistake. In his book titled Rejection, Dr. Henry W. Wright has observed that rejection [or the “spirit of rejection”] consists of four elements: the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of man [that is, being afraid of people], and the fear of abandonment.

Many times growing up (and I’m still growing), the fear of rejection by people would prevent me from striking up a conversation with anybody, including family members. However, since some American friends in China loved me, encouraged me, connected with me on a deeper personal level, coached me with helpful tips, and helped to keep me accountable in engaging in conversations with the native speakers, I was challenged and empowered to take more risks at befriending Chinese students and connecting with them more in their own language.

By having the freedom to make mistakes and yet still receive grace (kind instruction with forgiveness) and encouragement throughout that process, then I could “trample” on the accusing voices of pride, fear, self-preservation, social anxiety, and rejection that would otherwise keep me in isolation. Pride would convince me to keep silent in many social situations, telling me that if I spoke up, then my identity would be smeared and that I would be rejected.

Certainly there is a time and place to refrain from speaking or to be “slow to speak,” for we ought always to grow in speaking and acting with humility, love, and compassion towards others rather than with foolish pride, narcissistic self-promotion, or self-preservation. But when it is that proper time to communicate, the voice of pride would tell me that in order to save my reputation and well-being, I must not step out in communication, since that might make everything worse. In this way, pride could prevent me from forming healthy bonds or deeper connections with others.

Since a rejection mindset will not permit a person to be vulnerable or to take risks at connecting with people, the rejection mindset lacks humility. Rejection is rooted and grounded in pride, keeping a person’s heart isolated and hard as a protective mechanism, so that nobody will have the opportunity to hurt it again. Therefore, behind the spirit of rejection is pride.

“In that day the Lord with His severe sword, great and strong, will punish Leviathan the fleeing serpent, Leviathan that twisted serpent; and He will slay the reptile that is in the sea.”

--Isaiah 27:1 NKJV

“You divided the sea by Your strength; You broke the heads of the sea monsters in the waters. 14 You crushed the heads of Leviathan; You gave him as food for the creatures of the wilderness.”

--Psalm 74:14 NASB1995

Rejection is the offspring (or a child/son) of pride. Biblically, “Leviathan” is a spiritual principality that represents pride. In Job 41:34, God identifies Leviathan as “king over all the children of pride.” You receive and access the love of God through humility, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. The perfect love of God casts out the fear of rejection. See 1 John 4:18; Romans 5:5; 8:15; Galatians 4:6; Mark 14:36; 2 Timothy 1:7.

According to many other translations of Psalm 74:14 and according to the NASB1995 footnote, the word “creatures” can literally be translated “people.” Is this verse saying, then, that God killed a literal (flesh-and-blood) sea monster or reptile that is in the sea called Leviathan, and then fed the Israelite people with his literal (physical) corpse when they were in the wilderness?

This is probably not the case in that literal (physical) sense, because the Old Testament record of the Israelites’ wilderness journey in the Pentateuch (the books of Genesis through Deuteronomy) does not record the Israelites eating the physical corpse of a large reptile whom God fished out of the Red Sea when He defeated the Egyptian army there.

Rather, when God drowned and defeated the Egyptian army in the Red Sea, He demonstrated His power over and defeated the proud, hard-hearted ruler(s) in the heavenly realms named “Rahab” and/or “Leviathan.” This was the invisible evil spirit or “principality” who influenced the human Pharaoh how to think by feeding him thoughts about how to respond to Moses and the Israelites.

Biblically, what are the “creatures of the wilderness?” Ostriches are described as desert creatures whose habitat is “the wilderness” in Isaiah 13:21, Lamentations 4:3, Jeremiah 50:39; and Isaiah 43:20. Other biblical desert-dwelling creatures include jackals, owls, wild donkeys, shaggy goats, fiery serpents, scorpions, etc.

What do ostriches represent? Job lamented that he was a brother to jackals and a companion to ostriches. Later, when God gives Job the trial that Job had demanded, God defines ostriches as creatures who treat their young with cruelty and indifference. In other words, Job confessed that he was fellowshipping as a companion with desert creatures who treated their own young with cruelty and apathy.

In 1 Corinthians 10:20, Paul tells the Corinthian believers that he does not want them to fellowship with devils. By his own admission, Job identified himself as a companion to “beasts of the field” and/or “birds of the air” who lacked wisdom and acted with cruelty. From the third chapter of Job until he humbly repented, Job had embraced a mindset of fear, rejection, anxiety, depression, hope deferred, and death.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, reproach (rejection) breaks a person’s heart, a broken spirit dries up the bones, and dried bone marrow compromises the immune system, making a person susceptible to viruses, sickness, and disease (or the painful boils of elephantiasis in Job’s case). See Proverbs 13:12; Psalm 69:20; Proverbs 15:13, 30; 17:22.

Ostriches dwell in the isolated, desolate places of the wilderness. When a person feels rejected, they are cut off from the joy of knowing others and being known by others in a grace-filled environment where they are loved and accepted. In such authentic relationships, they can even be rebuked, corrected, disciplined, coached, and trained to become mature without toxic forms of bitterness, shame, judgment, criticism, or hostility.

A person who has been rejected and goes under its heavy weight may isolate himself in attempts to find solace, rest, and recovery. So if ostriches are creatures of the wilderness, and these desert creatures fed upon Leviathan (in Psalm 74:14), then what can we conclude? Rejection (the ostrich) feeds on pride (Leviathan). What does this mean or look like?

Pride is identifying oneself as the most valuable object of one’s life. Whenever we are selfish and consider ourselves to be the primary most important thing in our lives, we get set up for disappointment. How is this so? Our value comes from God, our Creator; we are His masterpiece of creation, having been created by Him. When we forget about God and couldn’t care less about Him, but rather focus on ourselves apart from knowing Him, we set ourselves up for all kinds of trouble.

We fall into all kinds of spiritual bondage, relational problems, toxic attitudes filled with stress, and other issues when we value ourselves (the creature) more highly than we value the Creator. See Proverbs 16:18; Romans 1:18ff. When we are proud, then we are trying to find an identity apart from God. In pride, we are focused solely on ourselves rather than fixing our attention on our Creator who loves us. See Isaiah 26:3; 1 Timothy 6:17; Hebrews 12:2; 1 Peter 1:13; 1 John 3.

If we are self-focused, then rejection is right at our front door. When we are self-focused (or proud), we are looking for approval, validation, acceptance, and satisfaction from another creature who is not the source of love. God is love; love is the fabric of God’s very nature and identity.

Seeking to find love, acceptance, approval, identity, validation, and satisfaction in another person or thing other than our Creator is like trying to fill the gas tank of our cars with an impure mixture of gasoline and sawdust. Short-term it will give our empty tank the power to keep moving forward, but long-term it will destroy the engine of our auto-body. Our vehicle (representing our life) will die prematurely and our engine may need to be replaced completely.

How then can we defeat rejection? How can we walk in humility? What is the truth that shall make us free from pride and from rejection? How can we enter into a deeper relationship or fellowship with God rather than remaining “a brother to jackals and a companion to ostriches?”

For more information about knowing God through Jesus (the Truth who makes us free), see “Knowing the God Who Fights for You.”